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A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.
A review published in 1869 by G. Schimer in New York under
the title, 'The Music of the Future' stated: "Wagner, not to be
played much until 1995."
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In a letter sent by Max Reger to the Munich critic Rudolf Louis:
"Ich sitze in dem kleinsten Zimmer in meinem Hause. Ich habe Ihre Kritik vor mir.
Im nachsten Augenblick wird sie hinter mir sein."
Translation:''I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your
review before me. In a moment it will be behind me."
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April 19, 1899 in the Musical Courier:
On Richard Strauss, "either a lunatic, or is rapidly approaching idiocy."
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1924 from a subsciber to the Boston Symphony concerts on Stravinsky's
Le Sacre du Printemps:
Who wrote this fiendish Rite of Spring,
What right had he to write the thing,
Against our helpless ears to fling
Its crash, clash, cling, clang, bing, bang, bing?
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1927 editorial in the New York Telegram on Copland's Piano Concerto.
"There are gargatuan dance measures, as of a herd of elephants engaged in
jungle rivalry of the Charleston and dances further south."
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Recipe: How to Cook a Conductor
Ingredients
One large Conductor, or two small assistant conductors
26 large garlic cloves
1 cask cheap wine
First, catch a Conductor. Remove the tail and horns. Carefully separate the large
ego and reserve for sauce. Remove any batons, pencils and long articulations
and discard.
Clean the Conductor as you would a squid, but do not separate the tentacles from
the body. Conductors from a Major Symphony Orchestra require tenderizing by
pounding the Conductor on a rock.
Soak the Conductor in the wine for at least 12 hours. Remove and rub with garlic.
Roast on a rack in a 350 degree oven. Allow 8 minutes per pound. Turn
frequently until crisp on all sides.
Serve your Conductor as you would any turkey and enjoy.
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Some Modern Christmas Songs
Happily Addicted to the Web
(sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")
Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter
"No, man; I just discovered
letterman-dot-com!"
I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web! |
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The Bill Gates Song (to the tune of "The Christmas Song")
Netscape roasting on an open fire,
Apple begging on its knees,
Photo popping up on Time magazine,
Yes, Bill Gates dreams of days like these!
Everybody knows he's never fully satisfied,
Throws himself behind each task, World dominion is his company's goal.
Well, hey, is that so much to ask?
He knows the world is in his sway,
We'll buy whatever software he might toss our way,
We'll surf his Internet, watch his TV,
He'll take us anywhere we ask him--for a fee.
And so we're offering this simple prayer,
To Bill and all his MS grunts:
Since we all follow any standard you write,
Make it good, please,
Make it good, please,
Make it good, please, just once!
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I'm Dreaming of a Clean System
(to the tune of "White Christmas")
I'm dreaming of a clean System,
Something that fits on one CD.
Each component matches,
Not bits and patches,
Unlike 7-5-point-3.
I'm longing for a dream System,
Small, stable, fast, and trouble-free.
What we want, I think you'll agree,
Is called System 6-point-oh-3!
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Violent Night (to the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent Mac, broken Mac!
System bombed, screen went black.
Books suggested things; I tried 'em all:
Shift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
Now my deadline is tight,
This Mac's been silent all night.
Violent night, horrible night!
Lost my cool, filled with spite,
Threw my Mac through the balcony door
Watched it fall from
the 20th floor, Now I'm sleeping in peace;
Thank God I had it on lease.
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